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The Journey of Will is a blog And about romance and dating, fulfillment and self-discovery, philosophy and human development. I’m a straight male dom; this is what I’ve learned on my journey. A few years ago, I met a girl online who lived in Southern California. After some days of chatting online, she lobbied me for a phone call. We spoke for five hours. That began what you might call long-distance dating, a daily mix of friendly and sexy IM exchanges and phone conversations.

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I accidentally crossed paths with my first Dominant online when I was going through a divorce seven years ago. My first thought was to run away fast: He must be some whip-toting freak with a dungeon in his basement. What appeals to me the most is the intense cerebral connection — the mind play and the feelings it conjures in me, sometimes all day long the brain is, after all, the biggest sex organ.

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Nowadays, many women and men are dying to feel in their own skin what this practice can offer. But, like all fashions, it is sometimes done badly and quickly, eventually disappointing the person or, even worse, provoking serious physical and psychological consequences. It is not easy to find one’s half of life in general and all the more complicated to have a loyal dominated or a stern dominant partner. Visit Alt.

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Advertise Donate Read the latest issue Newsletter. A dom prefers to be dominant during sex. A sub prefers to submit, i. It follows that a sub pursuing another sub, or a dom pursuing another dom, is looking for something that his love object can’t really offer. To avoid this kind of heartache, you should figure out whether you are dom or sub, and how much so.

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How to go from Vanilla to BDSM and Kink

Maybe the person read the book 50 Shades of Grey , or wants to incorporate kink into their relationship or sex life to bring more meaning to it. It can be hard when you are already married or dating and you want to switch to a kinky lifestyle. Here is how to make your journey successful. Start by telling your partner what you already like about your relationship. Then you can begin to tell them things you want to maybe try or are just curious about.

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BDSM is a wonderful world where there are plenty of things to try and explore. It is also one that is alluring to many people. Each person explores that world in their own way but for each one, they also start by learning. In fact, many “vanilla” relationships also have an aspect of dominance and submission. Someone tends to take on the role of the dominant in bed, even if it is unspoken. The dominant one has the ability to tell the submissive what to do, but only within the submissive limits.

Before a scene or and domination starts, both parties will also often discuss what they are expecting to get out of it. Furthermore, during BDSM aftercare, both parties input matters equally. From the outside a lot of people think that a dominant is given free reign over their submissive. They are, but only to an extent. Limits are simply what you don’t want to be a part of. Oftentimes this comes in the form of soft limits, which can be pushed, and hard limits, that are set in stone.

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